| Monologue | “Nice Guy” |
| Show | ABC Campaign 88 |
| Musical Performance | "Take It So Hard" |
| Sketch | The Blind Date |
| Game Show | Jew, not a Jew |
| Musical Performance | "Struggle" |
| Cold Opening |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Hans Live |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Franz Live |
| Monologue | “Nice Guy” |
| Show | ABC Campaign 88 |
| Sketch | The Blind Date |
| Dana Carvey | ... | guy Still |
| Nora Dunn | ... | girl Still |
| Phil Hartman | ... | guy Still |
| Phil Hartman | ... | waiter |
| Jan Hooks | ... | girl Still |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Caroline |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | guy Still |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | doctor Still |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Weekend Update |
| Dennis Miller | ||
| Kevin Nealon |
Report from the All-Drug Olympics | |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Sergei Akmudov |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | coach |
| Game Show | Jew, not a Jew |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Ted Johnson |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Mrs. Johnson |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Deborah Knutsen |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Greg Knutsen |
| Al Franken | ... | "You Make The Call" announcer Voice |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Cold Opening |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Hans#6 Live |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Franz#6 Live |
| Show | ABC Campaign 88 |
| Tom Hanks | ... | Peter Jennings#1 |
| Jeff Renaudo | ... | Dan Quayle#1 |
| Grafton True | ... | Carl Rowan |
| Dana Carvey | ... | George Bush#5 |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Marilyn Quayle#1 |
| Phil Hartman | ... | David Brinkley#2 |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Diane Sawyer#1 |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Michael Dukakis#2 |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Sam Donaldson#3 |
| Cold Opening |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Hans#6 Live |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Franz#6 Live |
⁕This sketch is replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns.
| Monologue | “Nice Guy” |
⁕In reruns, the portion where Tom Hanks talks to Keith Richards and Dennis Miller is replaced with the dress rehearsal version.
♬Miklós Rózsa - "Adoration of the Magi"
| Commercial |
| Jan Hooks | ... | client |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | client |
| Jim Downey | ... | Paul McElroy |
| Show | ABC Campaign 88 |
| Tom Hanks | ... | Peter Jennings#1 |
| Jeff Renaudo | ... | Dan Quayle#1 |
| Grafton True | ... | Carl Rowan |
| Dana Carvey | ... | George Bush#5 |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Marilyn Quayle#1 |
| Phil Hartman | ... | David Brinkley#2 |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Diane Sawyer#1 |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Michael Dukakis#2 |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Sam Donaldson#3 |
⁕In reruns, the shot where Diane Sawyer gets hit with the bucket of popcorn is replaced with the dress rehearsal version.
| Musical Performance | "Take It So Hard" |
| Sketch | The Blind Date |
| Tom Hanks | ... | Jeff Morrow#1 |
| Dana Carvey | ... | guy Still |
| Nora Dunn | ... | girl Still |
| Phil Hartman | ... | waiter |
| Phil Hartman | ... | guy Still |
| Jan Hooks | ... | girl Still |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Caroline |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | guy Still |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | doctor Still |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
⁕In reruns, the shot where Tom Hanks spits out the salmon is replaced with the dress rehearsal version.
⁕The title text over the closing photo is removed in reruns.
| Commercial |
| Nora Dunn | ... | client |
| Phil Hartman | ... | client |
| Jim Downey | ... | Paul McElroy |
| Weekend Update |
| Dennis Miller | ||
| Kevin Nealon |
Report from the All-Drug Olympics | |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Sergei Akmudov |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | coach |
⁕A joke about the right-to-life movement is removed in reruns.
⁕In reruns, a few jokes preceding the olympics segment are replaced with the dress rehearsal version.
♬Robert Palmer - "Simply Irresistible"
♬"Jaws" Theme
| Sketch |
| Tom Hanks | ... | Girl Watcher#2 |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Craig Talbert#2 |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Andy |
⁕Some dialogue is removed in reruns.
| Game Show | Jew, not a Jew |
| Tom Hanks | ... | Bob Tompkins |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Ted Johnson |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Mrs. Johnson |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Deborah Knutsen |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Greg Knutsen |
| Al Franken | ... | "You Make The Call" announcer Voice |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
⁕This sketch is replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns.
| Musical Performance | "Struggle" |
| Show |
| Mark McKinney | ... | announcer Voice |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Pat Stevens#16 |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Barbara Bush#2 |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Kitty Dukakis#1 |
♬Van Phillips & The Connaught Light Orchestra - "Buffoonery"
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Tom Hanks | 6 | 2 | 1 | ||
| Keith Richards | 3 | ||||
| Jeff Renaudo | 1 | 1 | |||
| Grafton True | 1 | 1 | |||
| Charley Drayton | 2 | ||||
| Steve Jordan | 2 | ||||
| Ivan Neville | 2 | ||||
| Waddy Wachtel | 2 | ||||
| Mark McKinney | 1 | 1 | |||
| Dana Carvey | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | |
| Nora Dunn | 5 | 1 | 1 | 1 | |
| Phil Hartman | 8 | 2 | 1 | 1 | |
| Jan Hooks | 5 | 2 | 1 | ||
| Victoria Jackson | 2 | ||||
| Jon Lovitz | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | |
| Dennis Miller | 2 | ||||
| Kevin Nealon | 7 | 1 | 1 | 1 | |
| A. Whitney Brown | 1 | ||||
| Robert Caminiti | 1 | ||||
| Tracy Cooper | 1 | ||||
| Audrey Peart Dickman | 1 | ||||
| Jim Downey | 2 | ||||
| Al Franken | 1 | 1 | |||
| Kiki Kazanas | 1 | ||||
| Paul Miller | 1 | ||||
| Conan O'Brien | 1 | ||||
| Bob Odenkirk | 1 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 2 | 2 | |||
| Lenny Pickett | 1 | ||||
| Sandra Restrepo | 1 | ||||
| G.E. Smith | 1 | ||||
| John Zonars | 1 | ||||
| 72 | 6 | 11 | 5 | 6 |