| Sketch | The Bastard Battalion |
| Danny DeVito | ... | general |
| John Henry Kurtz | ... | announcer Voice |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Jerry |
| Phil Hartman | ... | soldier |
| Jan Hooks | ... | mistress |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | soldier |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | soldier |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | soldier |
♬Charles Gerhardt - "To Have and Have Not: Main Title: Martinique"