| Cold Opening | Super Fight |
| Miscellaneous | Romance |
| Sketch | Pork Parade |
| Musical Performance | "Healer" |
| Sketch | Lincoln Bedroom |
| Miscellaneous | Romance |
| Show | Speaking Out |
| Sketch | Women Behind Bars |
| Musical Performance | "Time Heals" |
| Miscellaneous | Party |
| Show | After Midnight |
| Musical Performance | "Party Up" |
| Sketch | Pork Parade |
| Denny Dillon | ... | Mrs. Hurley |
| Gail Matthius | ... | Sally |
| Ann Risley | ... | Mary Ann |
| Charles Rocket | ... | Merle |
| Yvonne Hudson | ... | maiden |
| Weekend Update |
| Charles Rocket | ||
| Gail Matthius | ||
| Gilbert Gottfried | ... |
David A. Stockman
Announces the "Catch A Crook, Eat A Meal" program to earn food stamps |
| Sketch | Lincoln Bedroom |
| Denny Dillon | ... | Mary Todd Lincoln |
| Gail Matthius | ... | Nancy Reagan |
| Eddie Murphy | ... | bellboy |
| Ann Risley | ... | Doria Reagan |
| Sketch | Women Behind Bars |
| Denny Dillon | ... | Charlotte |
| Gail Matthius | ... | guard |
| Ann Risley | ... | Sweeney |
| Yvonne Hudson | ... | inmate |
| Show | After Midnight |
| Denny Dillon | ||
| Gilbert Gottfried | ||
| Gail Matthius | ... | Marilyn Sparks |
| Eddie Murphy | ||
| Joe Piscopo | ||
| Ann Risley | ||
| Charles Rocket | ... | Vince Calypso |
| Billy Brown | ||
| Joe Dicso | ||
| Neil Levy | ||
| Liz Welch |
| Weekend Update |
| Gilbert Gottfried | ... |
David A. Stockman Announces the "Catch A Crook, Eat A Meal" program to earn food stamps |
| Sketch | Lincoln Bedroom |
| Cold Opening | Super Fight |
| Marc Weiner | ... | Rocko Weineretto |
| Marc Weiner | ... | Weindulah |
| Joe Piscopo | Live |
| Commercial |
| Gilbert Gottfried | ... | spokesperson |
| Ann Risley | ... | date |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
♬Jack Webb - "Nancy"
♬Jerry Lewis - "Shine On Your Shoes"
♬Robert Mitchum - "I Learn A Merengue, Mama"
| Sketch | Pork Parade |
| Charlene Tilton | ... | Starla |
| Denny Dillon | ... | Mrs. Hurley |
| Gail Matthius | ... | Sally |
| Ann Risley | ... | Mary Ann |
| Charles Rocket | ... | Merle |
| Yvonne Hudson | ... | maiden |
| Weekend Update |
| Charles Rocket | ||
| Gail Matthius | ||
| Gilbert Gottfried | ... |
David A. Stockman Announces the "Catch A Crook, Eat A Meal" program to earn food stamps |
| Sketch | Lincoln Bedroom |
| Jane Matthius | ... | Nancy Reagan |
| Denny Dillon | ... | Mary Todd Lincoln |
| Gail Matthius | ... | Nancy Reagan#5 |
| Eddie Murphy | ... | bellboy |
| Ann Risley | ... | Doria Reagan |
| Commercial |
| Gail Matthius | ... | pianist |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | pianist |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch | Women Behind Bars |
| Charlene Tilton | ... | Molly Dawson |
| Denny Dillon | ... | Charlotte |
| Gail Matthius | ... | guard |
| Ann Risley | ... | Sweeney |
| Yvonne Hudson | ... | inmate |
♬Elmer Bernstein - "Three Time Blueser"
| Show | After Midnight |
| Charlene Tilton | ||
| Denny Dillon | ||
| Gilbert Gottfried | ||
| Gail Matthius | ... | Marilyn Sparks |
| Eddie Murphy | ||
| Joe Piscopo | ||
| Ann Risley | ||
| Charles Rocket | ... | Vince Calypso |
| Billy Brown | ||
| Joe Dicso | ||
| Neil Levy | ||
| Liz Welch |
♬Eric Clapton - "After Midnight"
| Goodnights |
⁕When Charlene Tilton asks Charles Rocket about being shot, he says "I'd like to know who the fuck did it." This eventually leads to Charles being fired.
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Charlene Tilton | 8 | ||||
| Prince | 1 | ||||
| Todd Rundgren | 2 | ||||
| Don King | 1 | ||||
| Jane Matthius | 1 | 1 | |||
| Marc Weiner | 2 | ||||
| Denny Dillon | 6 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Gilbert Gottfried | 5 | 1 | |||
| Gail Matthius | 7 | 1 | |||
| Eddie Murphy | 4 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Joe Piscopo | 7 | 2 | |||
| Ann Risley | 6 | 1 | |||
| Charles Rocket | 5 | ||||
| Yvonne Hudson | 2 | ||||
| Matthew Laurance | 2 | ||||
| Patrick Weathers | |||||
| Billy Brown | 1 | ||||
| Joe Dicso | 1 | ||||
| Neil Levy | 1 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 2 | 2 | |||
| Liz Welch | 1 | ||||
| 65 | 2 | 6 | 4 |