| Show | Sex Tonight |
| Sketch | Scrooge |
| Musical Performance | "In Your Room" |
| Sketch | You Shot Me! |
| Sketch | The Bastard Battalion |
| Musical Performance | "Hazy Shade of Winter" |
| Sketch | Guardian Angels |
| Show | Sex Tonight |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Casey Kasem |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Jessica Hahn |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Andy Neuwirth |
| Sketch | Scrooge |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Bob Cratchet |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Mary Whistlesnick |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Marley |
| Weekend Update |
| Dennis Miller | ||
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Yasser Arafat |
| Kevin Nealon |
Life LessonsPriorities |
| Sketch | You Shot Me! |
| Nora Dunn | ... | wife |
| Phil Hartman | ... | doctor |
| Jan Hooks | ... | cowgirl |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | victim |
| Dennis Miller | ... | cowboy |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | cowboy |
| Tom Davis | ... | bartender |
| Conan O'Brien | ... | cowboy |
| Sketch | The Bastard Battalion |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Jerry |
| Phil Hartman | ... | soldier |
| Jan Hooks | ... | mistress |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | soldier |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | soldier |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | soldier |
| Sketch |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Buddy Precisely |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Lesley Aytown |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Burt Reynolds |
| Jan Hooks | ... | date |
| Victoria Jackson | ||
| Jon Lovitz | ... | patron |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Richard Blackman |
| John Bowman | ... | Harry Hamlin |
| Conan O'Brien | ... | patron |
| Christine Zander | ... | patron |
| Sketch | Guardian Angels |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Lance |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Hal |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Sue |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Thomas |
| Cold Opening |
| Danny DeVito | ... | Victor |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger | Live | |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Hans#8 |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Franz#8 |
| Monologue |
⁕Danny DeVito's first entrance is replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns.
| Commercial |
| Conrad Goode | ... | Big Red |
| John Henry Kurtz | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jan Hooks | ... | mother |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | father |
| Show | Sex Tonight |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Casey Kasem#5 |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Jessica Hahn#3 |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Andy Neuwirth |
⁕There are technical issues with the on-screen text during the Casey Kasem segment. Consequently, this segment is replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns.
| Sketch | Scrooge |
| Danny DeVito | ... | Ebenezer Scrooge |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Bob Cratchet |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Mary Whistlesnick |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Marley |
| Weekend Update |
| Dennis Miller | ||
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Yasser Arafat |
| Kevin Nealon |
Life LessonsPriorities |
♬Golden Earring - "Radar Love"
| Sketch | You Shot Me! |
| Danny DeVito | ... | Gariton |
| Nora Dunn | ... | wife |
| Phil Hartman | ... | doctor |
| Jan Hooks | ... | cowgirl |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | victim |
| Dennis Miller | ... | cowboy |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | cowboy |
| Tom Davis | ... | bartender |
| Conan O'Brien | ... | cowboy |
♬Mariachi Tapatio de José Marmolejo - "La Primavera (canción ranchera)"
♬Mariachi Coculense de Cirilo Marmolejo - "A donde estara esa negra consentida"
| Sketch | The Bastard Battalion |
| Danny DeVito | ... | general |
| John Henry Kurtz | ... | announcer Voice |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Jerry |
| Phil Hartman | ... | soldier |
| Jan Hooks | ... | mistress |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | soldier |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | soldier |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | soldier |
♬Charles Gerhardt - "To Have and Have Not: Main Title: Martinique"
| Sketch |
| Danny DeVito | ... | Tony Mandel |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Buddy Precisely#1 |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Lesley Aytown |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Burt Reynolds#2 |
| Jan Hooks | ... | date |
| Victoria Jackson | ||
| Jon Lovitz | ... | patron |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Richard Blackman |
| John Bowman | ... | Harry Hamlin |
| Conan O'Brien | ... | patron |
| Christine Zander | ... | patron |
| Sketch | Guardian Angels |
| Danny DeVito | ... | William |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Lance |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Hal |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Sue |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Thomas |
♬John Williams - "Family Plot: End Credits"
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Danny DeVito | 7 | ||||
| The Bangles | 2 | ||||
| Arnold Schwarzenegger | 2 | ||||
| Maria Shriver | 1 | ||||
| Conrad Goode | 1 | ||||
| John Henry Kurtz | 2 | 2 | |||
| Dana Carvey | 6 | 2 | 1 | ||
| Nora Dunn | 2 | ||||
| Phil Hartman | 6 | 2 | 1 | ||
| Jan Hooks | 5 | 1 | |||
| Victoria Jackson | 3 | ||||
| Jon Lovitz | 4 | 1 | |||
| Dennis Miller | 2 | ||||
| Kevin Nealon | 9 | 1 | |||
| A. Whitney Brown | 1 | ||||
| Al Franken | |||||
| John Bowman | 1 | 1 | |||
| Tom Davis | 1 | ||||
| Joe Dicso | 1 | ||||
| Conan O'Brien | 2 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 1 | 1 | |||
| Christine Zander | 1 | ||||
| 60 | 3 | 6 | 4 |