| Cold Opening | Military Briefing |
| Miscellaneous | No Commercial |
| Sketch | Copy Machine |
| Show | The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southhampton |
| Musical Performance | "Bitter Tears" |
| Sketch | New Roommate |
| Show | Dance Party USA War In The Gulf Special |
| Show | SoundStage |
| Musical Performance | "Suicide Blonde" |
| Musical Sketch | Cleaning My Rifle |
| Cold Opening | Military Briefing |
| Dana Carvey | ... | reporter |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Dick Cheney |
| Jan Hooks | ... | reporter |
| Mike Myers | ... | reporter |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Lt. Colonel William Pierson Live |
| Chris Farley | ... | reporter |
| Tim Meadows | ... | reporter |
| Julia Sweeney | ... | reporter |
| Rob Schneider | ... | Farud Hashami |
| Leslie Carangi | ... | reporter |
| Tom Davis | ... | reporter |
| Conan O'Brien | ... | reporter |
| Sketch | Copy Machine |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Steve |
| Mike Myers | ... | Tom |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Randy |
| Tim Meadows | ... | Tim |
| Julia Sweeney | ... | Sandy |
| Adam Sandler | ... | repairman |
| Rob Schneider | ... | Richard Laymer |
| Show |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Chris Farley | ... | Sandman |
| Tim Meadows | ... | Colin Powell |
| Chris Rock | ... | Nat X |
| Show | The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southhampton |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Jeffrey |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Cosima |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Meg |
| Mike Myers | ... | Blake |
| Chris Farley | ... | brother |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Show | Dance Party USA War In The Gulf Special |
| Dana Carvey | ... | dancer |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Uptown Patricia Levy |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Samantha |
| Mike Myers | ... | dancer |
| Chris Farley | ... | Dave |
| Tim Meadows | ... | dancer |
| Chris Rock | ... | dancer |
| Julia Sweeney | ... | Cindy |
| Adam Sandler | ... | Renardo |
| David Spade | ... | dancer |
| Musical Sketch | Cleaning My Rifle |
| Dana Carvey | ... | soldier |
| Phil Hartman | ... | soldier |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | soldier |
| Sketch | Copy Machine |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Steve#2 |
| Mike Myers | ... | Tom#2 |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Randy#2 |
| Tim Meadows | ... | Tim#1 |
| Julia Sweeney | ... | Sandy#2 |
| Rob Schneider | ... | Richard Laymer#2 |
| Cold Opening | Military Briefing |
| Dana Carvey | ... | reporter |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Dick Cheney |
| Jan Hooks | ... | reporter |
| Mike Myers | ... | reporter |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Lt. Colonel William Pierson Live |
| Chris Farley | ... | reporter |
| Tim Meadows | ... | reporter |
| Julia Sweeney | ... | reporter |
| Rob Schneider | ... | Farud Hashami |
| Leslie Carangi | ... | reporter |
| Tom Davis | ... | reporter |
| Conan O'Brien | ... | reporter |
⁕In reruns, Tim Meadows' question is replaced with the dress rehearsal version. In the live show, he is wearing the facial prosthetics used to play Colin Powell later in the episode.
| Sketch | Copy Machine |
| Kevin Bacon | ... | repairman |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Steve#2 |
| Mike Myers | ... | Tom#2 |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Randy#2 |
| Tim Meadows | ... | Tim#1 |
| Julia Sweeney | ... | Sandy#2 |
| Adam Sandler | ... | repairman |
| Rob Schneider | ... | Richard Laymer#2 |
⁕In reruns, the last few minutes are replaced with the dress rehearsal version, which includes Tim Meadows' dialogue. In the live show, he is again wearing the Colin Powell facial prosthetics.
| Show |
| Kevin Bacon | ... | Vanilla Ice |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Chris Farley | ... | Sandman#2 |
| Tim Meadows | ... | Colin Powell#1 |
| Chris Rock | ... | Nat X#2 |
⁕In reruns, the dialogue before the Top 5 and part of the Colin Powell interview are replaced with the dress rehearsal version.
♬Sly & The Family Stone - "Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)"
| Show | The Sarcastic Clapping Family of Southhampton |
| Kevin Bacon | ... | Colin |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Jeffrey |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Cosima |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Meg |
| Mike Myers | ... | Blake |
| Chris Farley | ... | brother |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
⁕In reruns, the shot of Chris Farley is replaced with the dress rehearsal version.
| Weekend Update |
⁕In reruns, a chyron of the current date is added after the title graphic.
♬The Who - "I Can See For Miles"
| Miscellaneous |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jack Handey | Voice |
⁕This segment is removed in reruns.
| Show | Dance Party USA War In The Gulf Special |
| Kevin Bacon | ... | Rock Steady |
| Dana Carvey | ... | dancer |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Uptown Patricia Levy |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Samantha |
| Mike Myers | ... | dancer |
| Chris Farley | ... | Dave |
| Tim Meadows | ... | dancer |
| Chris Rock | ... | dancer |
| Julia Sweeney | ... | Cindy |
| Adam Sandler | ... | Renardo |
| David Spade | ... | dancer |
⁕In reruns, this sketch is replaced with one from dress rehearsal in which Gulf War soldiers discuss messages to write on a bomb.
♬MC Breeze & Joey B. Ellis - "Go for It"
♬2 In a Room - "Wiggle It"
♬Linear - "Sending All My Love"
| Musical Sketch | Cleaning My Rifle |
| Kevin Bacon | ... | soldier |
| Dana Carvey | ... | soldier |
| Phil Hartman | ... | soldier |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | soldier |
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Kevin Bacon | 8 | 1 | |||
| INXS | 2 | ||||
| John Henry Kurtz | 1 | 1 | |||
| Dana Carvey | 4 | ||||
| Phil Hartman | 8 | 1 | 1 | 4 | |
| Jan Hooks | 4 | ||||
| Victoria Jackson | 2 | ||||
| Dennis Miller | 1 | ||||
| Mike Myers | 5 | 1 | |||
| Kevin Nealon | 4 | 1 | |||
| Chris Farley | 4 | 1 | |||
| Tim Meadows | 4 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Chris Rock | 2 | 1 | |||
| Julia Sweeney | 3 | 1 | |||
| A. Whitney Brown | 1 | ||||
| Al Franken | 1 | 1 | |||
| Adam Sandler | 2 | ||||
| Rob Schneider | 2 | 1 | |||
| David Spade | 1 | ||||
| Leslie Carangi | 1 | ||||
| Tom Davis | 1 | ||||
| Jack Handey | 2 | 2 | |||
| Conan O'Brien | 1 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 1 | 1 | |||
| 65 | 9 | 3 | 8 |