| Cold Opening | Sarducci in Tokyo |
| Sketch | Caucus |
| Sketch | Debs Behind Bars |
| Musical Performance | "Rock Lobster" |
| Sketch | Anchovy Council of America |
| Sketch | Baby Mogul |
| Film | Mr. Bill Gets Help |
| Musical Performance | "Dance This Mess Around" |
| Cold Opening | Sarducci in Tokyo |
| Jane Curtin | ||
| Bill Murray | ||
| Don Novello | ... | Father Guido Sarducci Live |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Akira Yoshimura | ... | guard |
| Sketch | Caucus |
| Garrett Morris | ... | police officer |
| Bill Murray | ... | Ted Kennedy |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Rosalynn Carter |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Kimberly |
| Tom Davis | ... | John Connally |
| Jim Downey | ... | George Bush |
| Brian Doyle-Murray | ... | Howard Baker |
| Harry Shearer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch | Debs Behind Bars |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Winky Reynolds |
| Garrett Morris | ... | matron |
| Bill Murray | ... | Daddy |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Gloria Vanderbilt |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Muffin Weinstein |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | Witty |
| Jim Downey | ... | Cottie |
| Harry Shearer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Tom Gammill | ... | Biddle Pemberton |
| Weekend Update |
| Jane Curtin | ||
| Bill Murray | ||
| Alan Zweibel | ... | Michael Conklin Still |
| Harry Shearer | ... |
Vic Ricker
Report on the Olympics |
| Laraine Newman |
Report on reinstating the draft | |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | Scott Gunderson /senior |
| Al Franken |
Me, Al FrankenGold |
| Sketch | Anchovy Council of America |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Christina |
| Garrett Morris | ... | commercial actor |
| Bill Murray | ... | Don |
| Tom Davis | ... | executive |
| Don Novello | ... | Sal |
| Harry Shearer | ... | John Kinchlow |
| Yvonne Hudson | ... | commercial actress |
| Show | Bad Playhouse |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Molly |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Mr. Potato Head |
| Bill Murray | ... | Ronnie Bateman /Sean McGinty |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Lady Pinth-Garnell |
| Gilda Radner | ... | maiden |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | local |
| Sarah Paley | ... | local |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Max Pross | ... | local |
| Tom Schiller | ... | local |
| Sketch | Baby Mogul |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Carol |
| Bill Murray | ... | Frank Mahoney |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Paula Kirsch |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Marilyn Mazelman |
| Harry Shearer | ... | Leon |
| Film | Mr. Bill Gets Help |
| Walter Williams | ... | Miss Sally Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Bill Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Bill's mom Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Hands Voice |
| Sketch | Caucus |
| Cold Opening | Sarducci in Tokyo |
| Jane Curtin | ||
| Bill Murray | ||
| Don Novello | ... | Father Guido Sarducci Live |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Akira Yoshimura | ... | guard |
| Sketch | Caucus |
| Teri Garr | ... | Mrs. Vogler |
| John B. Anderson | ||
| Garrett Morris | ... | police officer |
| Bill Murray | ... | Ted Kennedy |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Rosalynn Carter |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Kimberly |
| Tom Davis | ... | John Connally |
| Jim Downey | ... | George Bush |
| Brian Doyle-Murray | ... | Howard Baker |
| Harry Shearer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch | Debs Behind Bars |
| Teri Garr | ... | Bitsy Brewster |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Winky Reynolds |
| Garrett Morris | ... | matron |
| Bill Murray | ... | Daddy |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Gloria Vanderbilt |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Muffin Weinstein |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | Witty |
| Jim Downey | ... | Cottie |
| Harry Shearer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Tom Gammill | ... | Biddle Pemberton |
⁕One of Laraine Newman's earrings falls off as she spins around to show off her jeans. She responds by quickly pulling off her other earring and tossing it to the floor.
| Weekend Update |
| Jane Curtin | ||
| Bill Murray | ||
| Alan Zweibel | ... | Michael Conklin Still |
| Harry Shearer | ... |
Vic Ricker
Report on the Olympics |
| Laraine Newman |
Report on reinstating the draft | |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | Scott Gunderson /senior |
| Al Franken |
Me, Al FrankenGold |
| Sketch | Anchovy Council of America |
| Teri Garr | ... | Sue Perron |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Christina |
| Garrett Morris | ... | commercial actor |
| Bill Murray | ... | Don |
| Tom Davis | ... | executive |
| Don Novello | ... | Sal |
| Harry Shearer | ... | John Kinchlow |
| Yvonne Hudson | ... | commercial actress |
| Show | Bad Playhouse |
| Teri Garr | ... | Katie |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Molly |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Mr. Potato Head |
| Bill Murray | ... | Ronnie Bateman /Sean McGinty |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Lady Pinth-Garnell |
| Gilda Radner | ... | maiden |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | local |
| Sarah Paley | ... | local |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Max Pross | ... | local |
| Tom Schiller | ... | local |
♬Leonard Pennario - "March of the Lunatics"
| Sketch | Baby Mogul |
| Teri Garr | ... | Cheryl Kirsch |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Carol |
| Bill Murray | ... | Frank Mahoney |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Paula Kirsch |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Marilyn Mazelman |
| Harry Shearer | ... | Leon |
| Film | Mr. Bill Gets Help |
| David Derickson | ... | Dr. I.M. Häns |
| Walter Williams | ... | Miss Sally Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Bill Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Bill's mom Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Hands Voice |
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Teri Garr | 6 | ||||
| The B-52's | 2 | ||||
| John B. Anderson | 1 | ||||
| David Derickson | 1 | ||||
| Jane Curtin | 6 | ||||
| Garrett Morris | 4 | ||||
| Bill Murray | 7 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Laraine Newman | 5 | 2 | |||
| Gilda Radner | 4 | ||||
| Peter Aykroyd | 3 | ||||
| Tom Davis | 2 | 1 | |||
| Jim Downey | 3 | 1 | |||
| Brian Doyle-Murray | 1 | 1 | |||
| Al Franken | 1 | ||||
| Don Novello | 2 | 1 | |||
| Paul Shaffer | |||||
| Harry Shearer | 5 | 1 | 2 | ||
| Tom Gammill | 1 | ||||
| Yvonne Hudson | 1 | ||||
| Sarah Paley | 1 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 2 | 2 | |||
| Max Pross | 1 | ||||
| Tom Schiller | 1 | ||||
| Walter Williams | 1 | 4 | |||
| Akira Yoshimura | 1 | ||||
| Alan Zweibel | 1 | 1 | |||
| 63 | 3 | 6 | 8 | 1 |