| Cold Opening | Green Room |
| Sketch | Waterskiing |
| Sketch | Nose Hair Trimmer |
| Sketch | Hypnotism by Fire |
| Sketch | Predictions |
| Sketch | Boxer |
| Sketch | Fast Love |
| Musical Performance | "Saturday Night" |
| Miscellaneous | Killing Time |
| Cold Opening | Green Room |
| Billy Crystal | ... | Fernando Lamas Live |
| Rich Hall | ... | Bernhard Goetz |
| Rob Riley | ... | Nazi |
| Sketch | Nose Hair Trimmer |
| Billy Crystal | ... | Winslow |
| Christopher Guest | ... | building manager |
| Rich Hall | ... | customer |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | Walter |
| Sketch | Hypnotism by Fire |
| Billy Crystal | ... | Larry Pacon |
| Mary Gross | ... | Helen Voice |
| Christopher Guest | ... | Sam Pacon |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | Sharon |
| Martin Short | ... | Brad |
| Sketch | Predictions |
| Mary Gross | ... | Jeane Dixon |
| Harry Shearer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Larry David | ... | audience member Voice |
| Sketch | Fast Love |
| Martin Short | ... | Adam Sherman |
| Andy Breckman | ... | guest |
| Larry David | ... | guest |
| Barry Nichols | ... | guest |
| Rob Riley | ... | guest |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | guest |
| Saturday Night News |
| Christopher Guest | ||
| Gary Kroeger |
Introduces the Kroeger A Month calendar | |
| Rich Hall | ... |
Doug Henning
Report on the federal deficit |
| Cold Opening | Green Room |
| Friedrich "Butch" Karollus | ... | transvestite |
| Josef "Pepi" Krisch | ... | transvestite |
| Cold Opening | Green Room |
| Billy Crystal | ... | Fernando Lamas Live |
| Rich Hall | ... | Bernhard Goetz |
| Cold Opening | Green Room |
| Friedrich "Butch" Karollus | ... | transvestite |
| Josef "Pepi" Krisch | ... | transvestite |
| Billy Crystal | ... | Fernando Lamas Live |
| Rich Hall | ... | Bernhard Goetz |
| Rob Riley | ... | Nazi |
| Sketch | Nose Hair Trimmer |
| Kathleen Turner | ... | Hildy |
| Billy Crystal | ... | Winslow |
| Christopher Guest | ... | building manager |
| Rich Hall | ... | customer |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | Walter |
| Sketch | Hypnotism by Fire |
| Billy Crystal | ... | Larry Pacon |
| Mary Gross | ... | Helen Voice |
| Christopher Guest | ... | Sam Pacon |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | Sharon |
| Martin Short | ... | Brad |
⁕Martin Short hits Billy Crystal in the back of the head, accidentally dislocating his wig. Later in the sketch, Martin reaches out and fixes it, causing Billy to break character.
| Sketch | Predictions |
| Kathleen Turner | Still | |
| Mary Gross | ... | Jeane Dixon |
| Harry Shearer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Larry David | ... | audience member Voice |
| Show |
| Kathleen Turner | ... | Daphne Clayton |
| Billy Crystal | ... | Joe Franklin |
| Christopher Guest | ... | Alan Arkin |
| Martin Short | ... | Doug Henning |
♬Big Tiny Little - "Twelfth Street Rag"
| Sketch | Fast Love |
| Kathleen Turner | ... | Victoria Kingsley |
| Martin Short | ... | Adam Sherman |
| Andy Breckman | ... | guest |
| Larry David | ... | guest |
| Barry Nichols | ... | guest |
| Rob Riley | ... | guest |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | guest |
♬Eurythmics - "Love Is a Stranger"
| Saturday Night News |
| Christopher Guest | ||
| Gary Kroeger |
Introduces the Kroeger A Month calendar | |
| Rich Hall | ... |
Doug Henning
Report on the federal deficit |
⁕Rich Hall's prosthetic teeth accidentally fall off, and he ad-libs "That's another one of my favorite illusions." Christopher Guest hands the teeth back to him, and he briefly ducks behind the desk to reapply them after ad-libbing "I'm going to disappear now for just a second."
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Kathleen Turner | 6 | 1 | |||
| John Waite | 1 | ||||
| Friedrich "Butch" Karollus | 1 | ||||
| Josef "Pepi" Krisch | 1 | ||||
| Jim Belushi | |||||
| Billy Crystal | 6 | 2 | 2 | ||
| Mary Gross | 2 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Christopher Guest | 5 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Rich Hall | 3 | 2 | |||
| Gary Kroeger | 3 | 1 | |||
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | 1 | ||||
| Harry Shearer | 3 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Martin Short | 4 | 1 | |||
| Pamela Stephenson | 1 | 1 | |||
| Andy Breckman | 1 | ||||
| Larry David | 2 | 1 | |||
| Barry Nichols | 1 | ||||
| Rob Riley | 2 | ||||
| Rosie Shuster | 1 | ||||
| Dave Wilson | 1 | 1 | |||
| 45 | 4 | 9 | 4 | 1 |