| Weekend Update |
| Charles Rocket | ||
| Gail Matthius |
Report from the White House gate | |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | John Anderson |
| Andy Murphy | ... | police officer |
| Denny Dillon | ... | campaigner |
| Liz Welch | ... | campaigner |
| Kenny Vance | ... | campaigner |
| Mary Pat Kelly | ... | campaigner |
| Neil Levy | ... | photographer |
| Charles Rocket |
Report on John Lennon and Yoko Ono from The Dakota | |
| Gilbert Gottfried | ... |
Barry Grosscup Believes that Reagan is already dead |