| Cold Opening | Pentagon Press Briefing |
| Robert DeNiro | ... | Craig Fenson Live |
| Fred Armisen | ... | Apu Pibat Still |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | reporter |
| Will Forte | ... | Wadri Diyah Riyah Still |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Donald Rumsfeld |
| Seth Meyers | ... | reporter |
| Horatio Sanz | ... | Rani Diyah Riyah Still |
| Finesse Mitchell | ... | reporter |
| Rob Riggle | ... | reporter |