March 2, 2013#1
| Cold Opening | Press Conference |
| Fred Armisen | ... | Native American |
| Aidy Bryant | ... | Ms. Baine |
| Bill Hader | ... | border patrol agent |
| Taran Killam | ... | Navy officer |
| Kate McKinnon | ... | Lindsay Fulton |
| Bobby Moynihan | ... | butcher |
| Jay Pharoah | ... | Barack Obama Live |
| Tim Robinson | ... | police officer |
| Cecily Strong | ... | air traffic controller |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | Zookeeper Jenkins |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | construction worker |