| Cold Opening | It Was All A Dream |
| Sketch | Girlfriends |
| Game Show | Quiz Masters “Psychic” |
| Musical Performance | "Smack Dab in the Middle" |
| Sketch | Mr. Subliminal |
| Sketch | Alienses “E.T.” |
| Musical Sketch | Baby It's Cold Outside |
| Sketch | Comeback “Choppin' Broccoli” |
| Musical Performance | "Fool For You" |
| Miscellaneous | Brecht/Rogers Medley |
| Game Show | Quiz Masters “Psychic” |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Lane Maxwell |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Bill Franklin |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Marge Keister |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Show |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Church Lady |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Ann Landers |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Billy |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Sally Kellerman |
| Musical Performance | "Smack Dab in the Middle" |
| Sketch | Mr. Subliminal |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | secretary |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Mr. Smythe |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Mr. Subliminal /Phil Maloney |
| Sketch | Alienses “E.T.” |
| Dana Carvey | ... | marine |
| Nora Dunn | ... | marine |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Hicks |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Burke |
| Dennis Miller | ... | Bishop |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Musical Performance | "Fool For You" |
| Sketch | Girlfriends |
| Sigourney Weaver | ... | Margaret Harrington |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Laura |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Tommy Flanagan#12 |
| Game Show | Quiz Masters “Psychic” |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Lane Maxwell |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Bill Franklin#1 |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Marge Keister#1 |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Lawrence O'Donnell | ... | theatregoer |
| John Henry Kurtz | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Alexander Still |
| Commercial |
| Sigourney Weaver | ... | Sarah Ferguson |
| Christopher Durang | ... | butler |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Princess Di |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
⁕This segment is removed in reruns.
| Show |
| Sigourney Weaver | ... | Zuul |
| Christopher Durang | ||
| Dana Carvey | ... | Church Lady#1 |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Ann Landers#1 |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Billy |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Sally Kellerman#1 |
| Musical Performance | "Smack Dab in the Middle" |
| Buster Poindexter | ||
| Soozie Tyrell | ||
| Lew Del Gatto | ||
| Alex Foster | ||
| Earl Gardner | ||
| Tony Garnier | ||
| Lenny Pickett | ||
| G.E. Smith | ||
| Mauricio Smith | ||
| Steve Turre |
⁕This performance and the preceding introduction are removed in reruns. To fill time, a film entitled "un film de" is shown later in the episode.
| Weekend Update |
♬Derek & The Dominos - "Layla"
| Sketch | Mr. Subliminal |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | secretary |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Mr. Smythe |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Mr. Subliminal#1 /Phil Maloney |
⁕In reruns, Jon Lovitz's final line "Boy, I like that guy" is removed.
| Sketch | Alienses “E.T.” |
| Sigourney Weaver | ... | Ripley#1 |
| Christopher Durang | ... | marine |
| Dana Carvey | ... | marine |
| Nora Dunn | ... | marine |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Hicks |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Burke |
| Dennis Miller | ... | Bishop |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
⁕In reruns, the portion where E.T. is being shot is replaced with the dress rehearsal version. In the live show, the gun sound effects are missing, and E.T. doesn't fall over as planned.
♬James Horner - "Futile Escape"
| Sketch | Comeback “Choppin' Broccoli” |
| Sigourney Weaver | ... | Paula Collins |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Derek Stevens#1 |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Michael#1 |
| Musical Performance | "Fool For You" |
| Buster Poindexter | ||
| Soozie Tyrell | ||
| Lew Del Gatto | ||
| Alex Foster | ||
| Earl Gardner | ||
| Tony Garnier | ||
| Lenny Pickett | ||
| G.E. Smith | ||
| Mauricio Smith | ||
| Steve Turre |
⁕This performance is replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns. In the live show, Sigourney Weaver begins her introduction prematurely.
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Sigourney Weaver | 9 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Buster Poindexter | 3 | ||||
| Christopher Durang | 6 | ||||
| Madonna | 1 | ||||
| Soozie Tyrell | 2 | ||||
| James C. Burns | 1 | ||||
| Lawrence O'Donnell | 1 | ||||
| John Henry Kurtz | 2 | 2 | |||
| Dana Carvey | 4 | 2 | |||
| Nora Dunn | 3 | 1 | |||
| Phil Hartman | 6 | 2 | 2 | ||
| Jan Hooks | 3 | 1 | 2 | ||
| Victoria Jackson | 2 | ||||
| Jon Lovitz | 4 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Dennis Miller | 2 | ||||
| A. Whitney Brown | 1 | ||||
| Kevin Nealon | 1 | 1 | |||
| Lew Del Gatto | 2 | ||||
| Alex Foster | 2 | ||||
| Earl Gardner | 2 | ||||
| Tony Garnier | 2 | ||||
| Paul Miller | 1 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 3 | 3 | |||
| Lenny Pickett | 2 | ||||
| Marc Shaiman | 1 | ||||
| G.E. Smith | 2 | ||||
| Mauricio Smith | 2 | ||||
| Steve Turre | 2 | ||||
| 72 | 8 | 4 | 7 | 1 |