| Sketch | Declaration Pitch |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | Thomas Jefferson |
| Aristotle Athari | ... | time traveler |
| Aidy Bryant | ... | time traveler |
| Mikey Day | ... | founding father |
| Andrew Dismukes | ... | founding father |
| James Austin Johnson | ... | founding father |
| Alex Moffat | ... | founding father |
| Kyle Mooney | ... | founding father |