| Cold Opening | Our Pride Is Showing |
| Sketch | Sex Therapy |
| Miscellaneous | What's the worst thing you've ever done? |
| Sketch | Singing In The Stall |
| Miscellaneous | Don's Back |
| Musical Performance | "Bad to the Bone" |
| Miscellaneous | Saturday Night Editorial |
| Sketch | Father And Son |
| Musical Performance | "Back in Wentzville" |
| Sketch | Sex Therapy |
| Robin Duke | ... | client |
| Mary Gross | ... | Celeste |
| Brad Hall | ... | client |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | Marvin |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | Herb |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | Rhonda |
| Sketch | Singing In The Stall |
| Brad Hall | ... | man |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | man |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | man |
| Eddie Murphy | ... | man |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | man |
| Saturday Night News |
| Brad Hall | ||
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... |
Dr. Jack Badofsky
Worsening disease names |
| Robin Duke | ... |
Shelley Winters
Commentary on Marilyn Monroe's red diary |
| Joe Piscopo |
Saturday Night SportsCanadian football | |
| Eddie Murphy | ... | Bubba St. Jacques /tight end |
| Show |
| Robin Duke | ... | caller Voice |
| Mary Gross | ... | audience member |
| Brad Hall | ... | audience member |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | Menachim Begin |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | Yasser Arafat |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | announcer Voice |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | audience member |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | Phil Donahue |
| Sketch |
| Brad Hall | ... | The Human Stapler |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | Seiko |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | general |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | Weather Woman |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | Mr. Wonderful |
| Don Pardo | ... | Hawk Man Voice |
| Sketch |
| Brad Hall | ... | The Human Stapler#1 |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | Seiko#1 |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | Weather Woman#1 |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | Mr. Wonderful#1 |
| Saturday Night News |
| Robin Duke | ... |
Shelley Winters#2 Commentary on Marilyn Monroe's red diary |
| Show |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | Menachim Begin#2 |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | Yasser Arafat |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | Phil Donahue#1 |
| Commercial |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | passenger |
⁕The footage of a car driving off a cliff was later used for various Toonces sketches.
| Sketch | Sex Therapy |
| Louis Gossett Jr. | ... | Dr. Ferguson |
| Robin Duke | ... | client |
| Mary Gross | ... | Celeste#1 |
| Brad Hall | ... | client |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | Marvin#1 |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | Herb |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | Rhonda |
| Sketch | Singing In The Stall |
| Brad Hall | ... | man |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | man |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | man |
| Eddie Murphy | ... | man |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | man |
| Saturday Night News |
| Brad Hall | ||
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... |
Dr. Jack Badofsky#5
Worsening disease names |
| Robin Duke | ... |
Shelley Winters#2 Commentary on Marilyn Monroe's red diary |
| Joe Piscopo |
Saturday Night SportsCanadian football | |
| Eddie Murphy | ... | Bubba St. Jacques /tight end |
⁕When one of Dr. Jack's fictitious diseases receives no laughter, Tim Kazurinsky looks down and realizes he's displaying the wrong card. He ad-libs "I knew that'd happen someday" and briefly breaks character. He later repeats a joke he already delivered, and then ad-libs "It's a recurring condition."
| Show |
| Robin Duke | ... | caller Voice |
| Mary Gross | ... | audience member |
| Brad Hall | ... | audience member |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | Menachim Begin#2 |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | Yasser Arafat |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | audience member |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | announcer Voice |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | Phil Donahue#1 |
| Miscellaneous | Saturday Night Editorial |
| Mary Gross | ||
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
⁕This sketch originally appeared at the 09.25.1982 dress rehearsal.
| Sketch |
| Louis Gossett Jr. | ... | General Craig |
| Jackson Beck | ... | announcer Voice |
| Brad Hall | ... | The Human Stapler#1 |
| Tim Kazurinsky | ... | Seiko#1 |
| Gary Kroeger | ... | general |
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | ... | Weather Woman#1 |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | Mr. Wonderful#1 |
| Don Pardo | ... | Hawk Man Voice |
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Louis Gossett Jr. | 4 | ||||
| George Thorogood & The Destroyers | 2 | ||||
| Vernon Lynch Sr. | 1 | ||||
| Mr. T | 2 | ||||
| Jackson Beck | 1 | 1 | |||
| Robin Duke | 5 | 1 | 1 | 1 | |
| Mary Gross | 5 | 1 | |||
| Brad Hall | 6 | 1 | |||
| Tim Kazurinsky | 7 | 3 | 1 | ||
| Gary Kroeger | 5 | 1 | |||
| Julia Louis-Dreyfus | 4 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Eddie Murphy | 5 | 1 | |||
| Joe Piscopo | 7 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Don Pardo | 4 | 4 | |||
| Eliot Wald | 1 | ||||
| 59 | 9 | 4 | 7 |