| Cold Opening | Drug Testing |
| Show | National Inquirer Theatre |
| Sketch | Pinklisting |
| Musical Performance | "Alive and Kicking" |
| Show | El Spectaculare De Marika |
| Sketch | Royal Visit |
| Miscellaneous | Coloring Book |
| Monologue |
| Joan Cusack | ... | Anna Maria |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | Sean Penn |
| Dan Vitale | ... | relative |
| Don Novello | ... | Father Guido Sarducci |
| Commercial |
| Joan Cusack | ... | girl |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | guy |
| Nora Dunn | ... | girl |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | guy |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | guy |
| Randy Quaid | ... | guy |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | guy |
| Danitra Vance | ... | girl |
| Damon Wayans | ... | guy |
| Show | National Inquirer Theatre |
| Joan Cusack | ... | Clara |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | Elvis Presley |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Maura Cornell |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | Bobby Kennedy |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Eric Brewer |
| Randy Quaid | ... | John F. Kennedy |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | Ted Kennedy |
| Danitra Vance | ... | Demona |
| Sketch | Pinklisting |
| Joan Cusack | ... | makeup artist |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | stagehand |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | stagehand |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Ted |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Art |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | Clint Weston |
| Joe Dicso | ... | stage manager |
| Al Franken | ... | narrator Voice |
| Robert Smigel | ... | stagehand |
| Commercial |
| Nora Dunn | ... | actress |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Craig Charnow /Victor LaSalle |
| Randy Quaid | ... | editor |
| Damon Wayans | ... | waiter |
| Commercial |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | thief |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | Fed Jones |
| Damon Wayans | ... | Ned Jones |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Weekend Update |
| Dennis Miller | ||
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Heave-ho maneuver instructor |
| Dennis Miller |
Dennis Miller's Sports FantasyBat against Rich Gossage |
| Show | El Spectaculare De Marika |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | emcee |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | Miguel |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | singer |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Joaquin Andujar |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | Pepe |
| Damon Wayans | ... | singer |
| Robert Smigel | ... | singer |
| Sketch | Royal Visit |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | reporter |
| Nora Dunn | ... | reporter |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Prince Charles |
| Dennis Miller | ... | reporter |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Ronald Reagan |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | Nancy Reagan |
| Show | National Inquirer Theatre |
| Sketch | Royal Visit |
| Madonna | ... | Princess Di |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Prince Charles |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Ronald Reagan |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | Nancy Reagan |
| Cold Opening | Drug Testing |
⁕This cold opening is removed in reruns. To fill time, "Critic" is removed, and a Simple Minds performance of "Sanctify Yourself" from dress rehearsal is shown later in the episode.
| Monologue |
| Madonna | ||
| Tony LaFortezza | ... | Uncle Guido |
| Joan Cusack | ... | Anna Maria |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | Sean Penn |
| Dan Vitale | ... | relative |
| Don Novello | ... | Father Guido Sarducci |
| Commercial |
| Joan Cusack | ... | girl |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | guy |
| Nora Dunn | ... | girl |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | guy |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | guy |
| Randy Quaid | ... | guy |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | guy |
| Danitra Vance | ... | girl |
| Damon Wayans | ... | guy |
| Show | National Inquirer Theatre |
| Madonna | ... | Marilyn Monroe |
| Joan Cusack | ... | Clara |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | Elvis Presley |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Maura Cornell |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | Bobby Kennedy |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Eric Brewer |
| Randy Quaid | ... | John F. Kennedy |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | Ted Kennedy |
| Danitra Vance | ... | Demona |
| Sketch | Pinklisting |
| Madonna | ... | Melinda Zumont |
| Joan Cusack | ... | makeup artist |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | stagehand |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | stagehand |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Ted |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Art |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | Clint Weston |
| Joe Dicso | ... | stage manager |
| Al Franken | ... | narrator Voice |
| Robert Smigel | ... | stagehand |
| Commercial |
| John Simon | ||
| Nora Dunn | ... | actress |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Craig Charnow /Victor LaSalle |
| Randy Quaid | ... | editor |
| Damon Wayans | ... | waiter |
| Commercial |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | thief |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | Fed Jones |
| Damon Wayans | ... | Ned Jones |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Weekend Update |
| Dennis Miller | ||
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Heave-ho maneuver instructor |
| Dennis Miller |
Dennis Miller's Sports FantasyBat against Rich Gossage |
♬"Superman" Theme
| Show | El Spectaculare De Marika |
| Madonna | ... | Marika |
| Mark McKinney | ... | El Pato Loco Voice |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | emcee |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | Miguel |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | singer |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Joaquin Andujar |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | Pepe |
| Damon Wayans | ... | singer |
| Robert Smigel | ... | singer |
| Sketch | Royal Visit |
| Madonna | ... | Princess Di |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | reporter |
| Nora Dunn | ... | reporter |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Prince Charles |
| Dennis Miller | ... | reporter |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Ronald Reagan |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | Nancy Reagan |
| Sketch |
| Madonna | ... | Nancy Duncan |
| John Henry Kurtz | ... | Sergeant Tidreau Voice |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | killer |
| Randy Quaid | ... | floating head |
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Madonna | 6 | 2 | |||
| Simple Minds | 1 | ||||
| Penn & Teller | 1 | ||||
| Brandon Tartikoff | 1 | ||||
| Sue Hadjopoulos | 1 | ||||
| Tony LaFortezza | 1 | ||||
| John Simon | 1 | ||||
| John Henry Kurtz | 1 | 1 | |||
| Mark McKinney | 1 | 1 | |||
| Joan Cusack | 4 | ||||
| Robert Downey Jr. | 7 | 2 | |||
| Nora Dunn | 4 | ||||
| Anthony Michael Hall | 6 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Jon Lovitz | 8 | 1 | |||
| Dennis Miller | 2 | ||||
| Randy Quaid | 7 | 1 | 3 | ||
| Terry Sweeney | 5 | 2 | |||
| Danitra Vance | 3 | 1 | |||
| Dan Vitale | 1 | ||||
| Damon Wayans | 4 | 1 | |||
| Joe Dicso | 1 | ||||
| Al Franken | 1 | 1 | |||
| Don Novello | 1 | 1 | |||
| Don Pardo | 1 | 1 | |||
| Robert Smigel | 2 | ||||
| 71 | 5 | 11 | 4 |