| Monologue |
| Nancy Kerrigan | ||
| Chris Farley | ... | Shawn Eckhardt |
| Melanie Hutsell | ... | Tonya Harding#3 |
| Michael McKean | ... | translator |
| Rob Schneider | ... | Jeff Gillooly#2 |
| David Spade | ... | Oksana Baiul |
| Norm MacDonald | ... | audience member |
| Jay Mohr | ... | audience member |
| Sarah Silverman | ... | audience member |
| Dave Attell | ... | audience member |
| Tom Davis | ... | audience member |
| Jim Downey | ... | audience member |
| Fred Wolf | ... | audience member |
| Christine Zander | ... | audience member |
⁕Most of this monologue is replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns.