| Cold Opening | Homeland Security System |
| Show | Versace Oscar Party |
| Cartoon | Oscar's Greatest Moments |
| Sketch | Hot Air Balloon Mystery Theater |
| Musical Performance | "Can't Get You Out of My Head" |
| Musical Performance | "In Your Eyes" |
| Show | Kevin and Richie's Comic Book Zone |
| Cold Opening | Homeland Security System |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Tom Ridge Live |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | girl |
| Tina Fey | ... | girl |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | girl |
| Tracy Morgan | ... | guy |
| Amy Poehler | ... | girl |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | girl |
| Seth Meyers | ... | guy |
| Jeff Richards | ... | guy |
| Show | Versace Oscar Party |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | Elizabeth Hurley |
| Chris Kattan | ... | Bono |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | Donatella Versace |
| Nick Kenkel | ... | dancer |
| Sketch | Hot Air Balloon Mystery Theater |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | lady |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | Ms. Petite |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | announcer Voice |
| Chris Kattan | ... | Judge Berlingson |
| Chris Parnell | ... | Dr. Steven Beckham |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Madame Caraway |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | lady |
| Dean Edwards | ... | officer |
| Seth Meyers | ... | admiral |
| Weekend Update |
| Amy Poehler | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jimmy Fallon | ||
| Tina Fey | ||
| Rachel Dratch | ... |
Paula Jones
Commentary on her celebrity boxing experience |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Tonya Harding |
| Jeff Richards | ... | Louie Anderson |
| Show |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | announcer Voice |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Tarik Ozekial |
| Horatio Sanz | ... | Ferey Mühtar |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Show | Kevin and Richie's Comic Book Zone |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Horatio Sanz | ... | Richie Sisk |
| Seth Meyers | ... | H. Kevin Cohen |
| Show | Versace Oscar Party |
| Weekend Update |
| Ian McKellen | ... |
Maggie Smith
Offers her Oscar predictions |
| Rachel Dratch | ... |
Paula Jones
Commentary on her celebrity boxing experience |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Tonya Harding |
| Jeff Richards | ... | Louie Anderson |
| Cold Opening | Homeland Security System |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Tom Ridge Live |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | girl |
| Tina Fey | ... | girl |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | girl |
| Tracy Morgan | ... | guy |
| Amy Poehler | ... | girl |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | girl |
| Seth Meyers | ... | guy |
| Jeff Richards | ... | guy |
⁕In reruns, The Diamonds' song is replaced with generic music.
♬The Diamonds - "Little Darlin'"
| Show | Versace Oscar Party |
| Ian McKellen | ... | Yves St. Laurent |
| Kylie Minogue | ||
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | Elizabeth Hurley |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Chris Kattan | ... | Bono |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | Donatella Versace |
| Nick Kenkel | ... | dancer |
⁕In reruns, the opening title sequence of this sketch includes the title sequence of the "DisMissed" sketch from the 03.02.2002 episode.
♬Ian David & Steve Skinner - "Hard House"
| Sketch |
| Ian McKellen | ... | Liam Shaughnessy |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | Lynn Bershad |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | Margaret Jo McCullin |
| Cartoon | Oscar's Greatest Moments |
| Sketch | Hot Air Balloon Mystery Theater |
| Ian McKellen | ... | professor |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | lady |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | Ms. Petite |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | announcer Voice |
| Chris Kattan | ... | Judge Berlingson |
| Chris Parnell | ... | Dr. Steven Beckham |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Madame Caraway |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | lady |
| Dean Edwards | ... | officer |
| Seth Meyers | ... | admiral |
⁕This sketch is replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns.
| Weekend Update |
| Amy Poehler | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jimmy Fallon | ||
| Tina Fey | ||
| Ian McKellen | ... |
Maggie Smith
Offers her Oscar predictions |
| Rachel Dratch | ... |
Paula Jones
Commentary on her celebrity boxing experience |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Tonya Harding |
| Jeff Richards | ... | Louie Anderson |
| Show |
| Ian McKellen | ... | Halash |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Tarik Ozekial |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | announcer Voice |
| Horatio Sanz | ... | Ferey Mühtar |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
⁕Darrell Hammond's fake mustache comes loose, and Ian McKellen notices and tries to press it back on. Horatio Sanz ad-libs that it's a "fake 'stache". While the camera is on Horatio, Darrell removes it.
| Commercial |
| Ian McKellen | ... | Edmund McGrave |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | audience member Voice |
| Chris Parnell | ... | announcer Voice |
♬Paddy Kingsland - "The Haunted Castle"
| Show | Kevin and Richie's Comic Book Zone |
| Ian McKellen | ... | Gordon McLeash |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Horatio Sanz | ... | Richie Sisk |
| Seth Meyers | ... | H. Kevin Cohen |
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ian McKellen | 8 | 2 | |||
| Kylie Minogue | 3 | ||||
| Rachel Dratch | 5 | 1 | 1 | 1 | |
| Jimmy Fallon | 1 | ||||
| Will Ferrell | |||||
| Tina Fey | 2 | ||||
| Ana Gasteyer | 5 | 1 | 1 | 2 | |
| Darrell Hammond | 3 | 1 | 1 | 2 | |
| Chris Kattan | 2 | 1 | |||
| Tracy Morgan | 1 | ||||
| Chris Parnell | 2 | 1 | |||
| Amy Poehler | 3 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Maya Rudolph | 3 | 1 | |||
| Horatio Sanz | 2 | 1 | |||
| Dean Edwards | 1 | ||||
| Seth Meyers | 3 | ||||
| Jeff Richards | 2 | 1 | |||
| Steve Higgins | 1 | 1 | |||
| Nick Kenkel | 1 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 1 | 1 | |||
| 49 | 4 | 9 | 9 |