| Cold Opening | A Message from the President |
| Musical Performance | "Money Maker" |
| Show | Pool Watch |
| Sketch | Hair Transplant |
| Sketch | Lesbian Cruise |
| Musical Performance | "Runaway Love" |
| Sketch | Two Old Men |
| Cold Opening | A Message from the President |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | George W. Bush Live |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Dolly Parton |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | Barbra Streisand |
| Andy Samberg | ... | James Blunt |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | Harry Connick Jr. |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | announcer Voice |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | Louis Armstrong |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Bill Hader | ... | Jody Preston |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Debra Preston |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | Samantha Hawkins |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | Pete Longhorne |
| Kristen Wiig | ... | Donna Longhorne |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Bill Hader | ... | coworker |
| Amy Poehler | ... | woman |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | woman |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | coworker |
| Kristen Wiig | ... | woman |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | agent |
| Andy Samberg | ... | Blizzard Man |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | agent |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | technician |
| Weekend Update |
| Amy Poehler | ||
| Seth Meyers | ||
| Bill Hader | ... |
John Mark Karr
Confesses to his other crimes |
| Amy Poehler |
A look at the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding seating chart | |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | Bobby Knight |
| Maya Rudolph | ... |
Anoosa Rosenfeld /"Sixteen & ½ Magazine" editor Commentary on donating food |
| Show | Pool Watch |
| Fred Armisen | ... | swimmer |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | announcer Voice |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | swimmer |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | Terence Wilkins /Malik |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Weekend Update |
| Bill Hader | ... |
John Mark Karr
Confesses to his other crimes |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | Bobby Knight |
| Cold Opening | A Message from the President |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | George W. Bush Live |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Ludacris | ... | Young Douglas |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Dolly Parton |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | Barbra Streisand |
| Andy Samberg | ... | James Blunt |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | Harry Connick Jr. |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | Louis Armstrong |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | announcer Voice |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Ludacris | ... | Dr. Archibald Bitchslap |
| Bill Hader | ... | Jody Preston |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Debra Preston |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | Samantha Hawkins |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | Pete Longhorne |
| Kristen Wiig | ... | Donna Longhorne |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Show |
| Ludacris | ... | Anthony Brooks |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Bill O'Reilly |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | Michael Dantley |
| Commercial |
| Ludacris | ||
| Bill Hader | ... | coworker |
| Amy Poehler | ... | woman |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | woman |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | coworker |
| Kristen Wiig | ... | woman |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch |
| Ludacris | ||
| Maya Rudolph | ... | agent |
| Andy Samberg | ... | Blizzard Man |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | agent |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | technician |
| Weekend Update |
| Amy Poehler | ||
| Seth Meyers | ||
| Bill Hader | ... |
John Mark Karr
Confesses to his other crimes |
| Amy Poehler |
A look at the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding seating chart | |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | Bobby Knight |
| Maya Rudolph | ... |
Anoosa Rosenfeld /"Sixteen & ½ Magazine" editor Commentary on donating food |
| Show | Pool Watch |
| Ludacris | ... | Jalen Summers |
| Fred Armisen | ... | swimmer |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | swimmer |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | announcer Voice |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | Terence Wilkins /Malik |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch | Hair Transplant |
| Ludacris | ... | Dr. Shultz |
| Will Forte | ... | Mr. Plotner |
| Jason Sudeikis | ... | Nurse Hamilton |
| Sketch | Lesbian Cruise |
| Ludacris | ... | Captain Ronald Huggins |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Arizona |
| Maya Rudolph | ... | passenger |
| Kristen Wiig | ... | passenger |
| Lauren Reeves | ... | waitress |
| Sketch | Two Old Men |
| Ludacris | ... | man |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | man |
⁕Darrell Hammond's fake mustache comes loose, and he loosens it further each time he delivers a line. At the end of the sketch, Ludacris ad-libs "I know that your damn mustache is hangin' off, I know that!" and Darrell presses it back on.
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ludacris | 12 | ||||
| Mary J. Blige | 1 | ||||
| Fred Armisen | 1 | ||||
| Will Forte | 1 | ||||
| Bill Hader | 3 | 1 | |||
| Darrell Hammond | 2 | 1 | |||
| Seth Meyers | 1 | ||||
| Amy Poehler | 6 | 1 | |||
| Maya Rudolph | 8 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Andy Samberg | 2 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Jason Sudeikis | 7 | 3 | |||
| Kenan Thompson | 6 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Kristen Wiig | 4 | ||||
| Steve Higgins | 5 | 5 | |||
| Lauren Reeves | 1 | ||||
| 60 | 1 | 9 | 7 |