| Cold Opening | Presidential Address |
| Sketch | Tough Guy |
| Musical Performance | "Yellow" |
| Sketch | The Bush Tax Cut |
| Musical Performance | "Don't Panic" |
| Cold Opening | Presidential Address |
| Will Ferrell | ... | George W. Bush Live |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | Margaret Jo McCullin |
| Chris Parnell | ... | caller Voice |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | Lynn Bershad |
| Sketch | Tough Guy |
| Jimmy Fallon | ... | soldier |
| Will Ferrell | ... | soldier |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | epilogue narrator Voice |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | soldier |
| Chris Kattan | ... | soldier |
| Tracy Morgan | ... | soldier |
| Chris Parnell | ... | soldier |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | soldier |
| Jerry Minor | ... | Pete |
| Weekend Update |
| Chris Parnell | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jimmy Fallon | ||
| Tina Fey | ||
| Tracy Morgan |
Explains Darryl Strawberry's arrest | |
| Jimmy Fallon |
I Have An OpinionChina | |
| Tina Fey |
Commentary on Hugh Hefner's seven girlfriends |
| Commercial |
| Will Ferrell | ... | Robert Goulet |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | Sheila Goulet |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | announcer Voice |
| Chris Parnell | ... | Wes Goulet |
| Sketch | The Bush Tax Cut |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Richard Gephardt |
| Chris Kattan | ... | Tom Daschle |
| Jim Downey | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Jimmy Fallon | ... | Ricky |
| Will Ferrell | ... | guy Still |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | girl Still |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | mother |
| Chris Parnell | ... | guy Still |
| Horatio Sanz | ... | Joey |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | Aunt Vicky |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Cold Opening | Presidential Address |
| Will Ferrell | ... | George W. Bush Live |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch |
| Alec Baldwin | ... | Pete Schwetty |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | Margaret Jo McCullin |
| Chris Parnell | ... | caller Voice |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | Lynn Bershad |
⁕Ana Gasteyer accidentally says "peiner" after reading "plump weiner" on the cue card. After much cheers and applause, she ad-libs "a little verbal diarrhea."
| Sketch | Tough Guy |
| Alec Baldwin | ... | Jack Wilcox |
| Jimmy Fallon | ... | soldier |
| Will Ferrell | ... | soldier |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | soldier |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | epilogue narrator Voice |
| Chris Kattan | ... | soldier |
| Tracy Morgan | ... | soldier |
| Chris Parnell | ... | soldier |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | soldier |
| Jerry Minor | ... | Pete |
| Weekend Update |
| Chris Parnell | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jimmy Fallon | ||
| Tina Fey | ||
| Tracy Morgan |
Explains Darryl Strawberry's arrest | |
| Jimmy Fallon |
I Have An OpinionChina | |
| Tina Fey |
Commentary on Hugh Hefner's seven girlfriends | |
| Kid Rock | ||
| David Spade |
⁕During Kid Rock's commentary, Jimmy Fallon says "peiner", referencing Ana Gasteyer's mistake earlier.
| Commercial |
| Alec Baldwin | ... | Ken Goulet |
| Will Ferrell | ... | Robert Goulet |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | Sheila Goulet |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | announcer Voice |
| Chris Parnell | ... | Wes Goulet |
| Sketch | The Bush Tax Cut |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Richard Gephardt |
| Chris Kattan | ... | Tom Daschle |
| Jim Downey | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Alec Baldwin | ... | Tony Villone |
| Jimmy Fallon | ... | Ricky |
| Will Ferrell | ... | guy Still |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | mother |
| Ana Gasteyer | ... | girl Still |
| Chris Parnell | ... | guy Still |
| Horatio Sanz | ... | Joey |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | Aunt Vicky |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
⁕This sketch is replaced with the dress rehearsal version in reruns.
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Alec Baldwin | 7 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Coldplay | 2 | ||||
| Kid Rock | 1 | ||||
| David Spade | 1 | ||||
| Jimmy Fallon | 3 | ||||
| Will Ferrell | 6 | 3 | 1 | 1 | |
| Ana Gasteyer | 4 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Darrell Hammond | 4 | 2 | 2 | ||
| Chris Kattan | 2 | 1 | |||
| Tracy Morgan | 2 | ||||
| Chris Parnell | 5 | 2 | 1 | ||
| Horatio Sanz | 1 | ||||
| Rachel Dratch | 3 | 1 | |||
| Tina Fey | 1 | ||||
| Jerry Minor | 1 | ||||
| Maya Rudolph | |||||
| Jim Downey | 1 | 1 | |||
| Steve Higgins | 1 | 1 | |||
| Don Pardo | 1 | 1 | |||
| 46 | 3 | 7 | 8 | 3 |