| Weekend Update |
| Amy Poehler | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jimmy Fallon | ||
| Tina Fey | ||
| Tina Fey |
Commentary on baby panic | |
| Rachel Dratch | ||
| Maya Rudolph | ||
| Amy Poehler | ||
| Will Ferrell | ... | Neil Diamond |
| Chris Kattan | ... | Gay Hitler |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Geraldo Rivera |
| Jeff Richards | ... | Drunk Girl |
| Neil Diamond |
⁕Tina Fey looks up at the audience in response to someone loudly laughing at one of Jimmy Fallon's jokes.
⁕The real Neil Diamond did not appear at dress rehearsal.